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Black German Adoptees

Here is an interesting article about Black Germans born to white German mothers with African American fathers.  Many were adopted by African American families after WW2.

Germany’s ‘Brown Babies’

For many of the now-adult children of white German women and African-American GIs, adopted by families in the United States after World War II, the search for the truth has been difficult. Online communities are helping.

Rudi Richardson knew something about what it meant to be a black man in the United States. But after being deported to Germany, the country where he was born, shortly before his 47th birthday, he had to start figuring out what it meant to be black and German — in a land he barely remembered and whose language he didn’t speak.

He started life as Udo Ackermann, born in a Bavarian women’s prison in 1955. His mother, a Jewish woman named Liesolette, was serving a prison term for prostitution. His father, whom he never met, was an African-American serviceman named George. Rudi was given up for adoption.

Read the full article here.

love is not enough

Check out Blogher writer Laina on why love is not enough in transracial adoptions.

Unless you have walked in a person’s shoes, you cannot understand what happens to them when they walk out of your house every morning. Love is not going to ease the pain that your child feels because their parents do not look like them, and cannot understand them. Love, while yes, provides a good home, food on the table and an opportunity to discover things in life that had they not been adopted, most likely they would have never experienced, is not enough.

My childhood is a contradiction. I remember playing with my eldest brother, who went out of his way to create games and stories to keep me and my other siblings occupied while my mom needed some time to herself. I remember the cross-country car trips across Canada we used to take as a family. I remember my grandmother teaching me how to bake bread and when she babysat us, and every afternoon we would have an English ‘tea’ like she used to have as a child growing up in London. I cherish those times, and I am lucky to have them.

But the pain from my childhood is what I remember the most. Not because I want to, but because it has impacted the most vulnerable, emotional parts of my adult life. I feel alone, even though I have tons of cousins, nieces and nephews. My nieces and nephews look at me with their big blue and green eyes and their blond hair, treat me as though…. even though on paper I am supposed to be related to them, they know, and I know, that we are not.

Read the full post here.

birthday blues

So I survived another birthday.  Another year of limbo. Of not knowing my origins.  I had a nice quiet day with my mother, who made me a huge vat of fresh tomato sauce, and my girls and husband. A little chocolate cake and no presents. Just the way I like it.  I no longer like to celebrate my birthday.  I like to just  acknowledge it and move on.  Chocolate cake, though, because I’m a chocoholic and well, my girls love birthday cake.  Here’s Nina Simone’s If You Knew How I Loved You, which kind of sums up my feelings about my birthday.  So much beauty and pain in her voice, I adore her.

interracial memoir

In the end perhaps it is our errors, our failures, even more than our triumphs, that make us who we are. Maybe it is the failed marriages and the failed revolutions- if we do survive them- that forge our character and core identity. The fetus grow, impervious to the circumstances that conceived it. The fetus grow, oblivious to the ambivalence and calamity that await its birth.

Recently I read Danzy Senna’s Where Did You Sleep Last Night? I really love literary biographies; I usually can’t put them down.  And this one was no exception.  Perhaps because I admire writers so much and then learning some intimate details about their lives and history and how they came to be is like eavesdropping on a conversation your parents didn’t want you to hear.  But it is also deeper than that. I read biographies with envy too, wishing I had such detailed personal history.  Wishing I could re-trace the paths of my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents.  Wishing I knew my racial past.  The truth of it, not just what my imagination tells me.  My adoptive parents’ histories are part of my personal narrative, but they are only a fraction of my story.  Reading Where Did You Sleep Last Night? nearly fell in the realm of fantasy for me.  Senna tells the story of her white blue blood mother and her black Southern father, their failed relationship, their family history and Senna’s own struggle to understand her family and cultural identity.  She also tells a little about her siblings and her current family – her husband (writer Percival Everett) and their young son.  Many mixed race (or bi-cultural) people will find this story fascinating: she explains how her parents came together in a time when mixed marriages – particularly black-white – were uncommon and only recently legal in the United States.  After her parents split up, Senna lived with her white mother and spent much of her time in white environments.  She is a very light-skinned woman and in fact was, is, often mistaken for white.  She describes the hostility she has encountered being out with her father; people often saw them for a couple, an older black man with a young “white” woman.  On her mother’s side, Senna had very little research to do. Many of her mother’s ancestors were prominent Boston citizens who had written at length about their family history, a history that includes a slave-owing past. Her father’s family history is difficult to uncover and many questions are left unanswered.  Much of the book describes Senna’s quest, with her father’s help, to learn the truth about her father’s mother and father.  Was Senna’s paternal grandfather an Irish American priest or a Mexican boxer? Her paternal grandmother was a talented and educated but highly secretive woman.  Senna discovers her father has a long lost half-sibling who was given up for adoption.  The details of this book are fascinating. Even more interesting are the author’s personal revelations: her difficult relationship with her father, her reaction and the reaction of friends to the light complexion of her infant son, the family dynamic when all her siblings and their spouses and children gather for Christmas.

As an aside, I found it interesting that Senna’s father, who spent most of his life engaged in racial politics as a writer and father, now lives in a white community, married to a Canadian in New Brunswick.  Senna writes: “In the Canadian Maritimes, [my father] is not just the only black man at the dinner party.  He is the only black man in the world.”  There are, of course, significant black communities in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, but apparently her father does not live anywhere near one.

Finally, I must confess that it was not until after I’d finished the book that I realized the significance of the title.  I was unfamiliar with this Leadbelly song:

Want to connect with others? Join the Black Canadian Adoptees group on Facebook.

ambivalence

So I haven’t felt much like writing about adoption issues lately.  Even though I’m always thinking about them.  The fact of my adoption is never really that far from the surface.  It is there in my relationship with my mother, with my daughters. It is always there, even when it seems not to be.  Even when I go through long periods of not writing about it, or consciously considering it.  It was there last month when I  travelled five and a half hours by plane to go to my grandmother’s funeral.   As my mother’s siblings and their children, my mother, brother and I gathered around my aunt’s kitchen, it was hard not to notice I am the only one who physically stands out.  (Sesame Street’s “One of these things is not like the other thing” comes to mind.)  It is rare for all of my mother’s family to be together in one room: we are scattered across the country. The last time we were all together was my grandmother’s 80th birthday nearly ten years ago.  It is natural enough to check everyone out, see how they look, how they’ve changed, grown up.  One of my cousins stated the obvious:  “My god, it is so easy to see who belongs to what family unit here; each one looks so much alike.  And then there’s you and A.”  My older brother is also adopted.  The funny thing is, he actually looks like he could be biologically related to my mother’s family.  He has similar colouring, height, body type.  In any case, I am comfortable around this side of my family; I like them, they are good people, funny people.  But at times like those, I sometimes look around the room and think: who are these people?

I was close to my grandmother when I was a little child. She lived with us for a few years. I was her first granddaughter and she spent a lot of time caring for me, indulging me, holding me.  When she lived with us, her room was the third floor attic. I would climb up those stairs early in the morning and crawl in bed with her.  She called me her baby.  I saw little of my grandmother in recent years and her health was poor; we did not talk much in the last several years of her life.  But I took my daughters to visit her and she cherished their photos and all the information she could remember about them.  When she died, I thought quite a bit about my father.  I thought another person who loved me is gone from the world.

Last week when I was driving my daughter to preschool, she announced after an unusual quiet: “Grandma’s white, she didn’t give birth to you, did she? Another woman gave birth to you. She was white too.”  And the conversation went something like this:

“That’s right.”

“But Grandma raised you. She’s your mum.”

“Yes.”

“You’re mixed race. I’m mixed race too.  We’re black and white. We’re brown.  Daddy’s the only one that’s white in our family.”

“Umm hmm.”

“Do you know the woman that gave birth to you? Do you remember her?”

“I don’t know her. I wish I did.”

“Where is she?  You should look for her.”

“I have looked for her. I’ve looked very hard, but I can’t find her.”

“Do you miss her?”

“I don’t know her, but I miss her very much. I’d really like to know who she is.”

“Me too.  I think she’s looking for you.”

“I don’t think she is.  I don’t think she wants to be found.”

“Aww……  [more silence]  You’ll never give me away will you?”

“No! You girls are the most important thing to me in the world. I would never do that.”

“No, because you love us, you’re our mum.”

John Raible

Please visit John Raible’s excellent blog, especially to read his series of Mock Interviews with himself where he describes his experiences as a transracial adoptee growing up in what he calls “Whitesville” and his personal and political transformation by living in racially and culturally diverse communities.

Mock Interview, Part 1

Mock Interview, Part 2

Mock Interview, Part 3

Mock Interview, Part 4

Great reading!

Thanks Ungrateful Little Bastard for letting me know that Darryl McDaniels (yes, DMC of Run DMC!) is adopted.  You can watch the documentary, Adoption Journey, about his search for and reunion with his birth mother, on his website.  I don’t get VH1 and I rarely watch tv so I am always finding out about these things rather late.  But better late than never.   I loved Run DMC way back in the day (I think I was in grade 8, yikes) and I am really pleased to see that DMC has become an advocate for adoptee rights, like access to birth records.

DMC made a song with Sarah McLachlan, an adoptee and Canadian, called Just Like Me.  The quality of this You Tube video isn’t great, but I love the song, so here it is:

Check out his website for a better version.

Also see a song by singer and adoptee Zara Phillips called “I’m Legit” that features DMC.

mother daughter

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