I just listened to part of a documentary called Love Interrupted: Lost and Found on CBC radio. It is a true story, but also the ultimate adoptee fantasy. It made me bawl.
The documentary tells the story of a teenage couple who love each other, become engaged when they are 16 but keep it to themselves so as not to alarm their parents. When the girl becomes pregnant her parents put heavy pressure on her to give the baby up for adoption. They tell her they will not support her if she keeps the baby. The young couple want to keep the baby boy and almost do, but in the end succumb to the pressure. When they leave from signing the adoption papers, after seeing their son together, holding him together, they go home and never see each other again. Both never forget each other though, and are never able to close the door on the love they had for each other. They marry, have children, divorce. The father tries searching for his son without success. He eventually finds the mother’s email address and writes to her. Eventually she responds and phones him. They talk for 4 hours and decide to search for their son together. She had never tried searching for her son on her own because she is convinced he hates her for giving him up. The mother and father meet and their love for each other is still strong. They find their son easily; he is pleased to meet them. They marry with all their extended family present and have a second baby together! The adopted son names his baby sister, is thrilled to have a biological sibling and calls her his best friend. Incredible – one of those too good to be true stories, yet real. A real tear jerker.
If you are an adoptee, the fantasy doesn’t get any better than that: biological parents who always wanted to keep you, never got over leaving you, who loved each other and always wanted to be together, and when they find you instantly fill in all the gaps in your life, including producing a biological sibling.
Sigh.
The reality for most adoptees is radically different. In my case, I’ve got a birth mother who knows I’ve been searching for her for years but refused to tell me anything about her and refused any contact. She slammed shut all the doors to connecting with any of my biological family. And yet, when I hear reunion stories, even ones less glamourous than the above, I still long and hope. For any little crumb of knowledge of my beginning.
