So I survived another birthday. Another year of limbo. Of not knowing my origins. I had a nice quiet day with my mother, who made me a huge vat of fresh tomato sauce, and my girls and husband. A little chocolate cake and no presents. Just the way I like it. I no longer like to celebrate my birthday. I like to just acknowledge it and move on. Chocolate cake, though, because I’m a chocoholic and well, my girls love birthday cake. Here’s Nina Simone’s If You Knew How I Loved You, which kind of sums up my feelings about my birthday. So much beauty and pain in her voice, I adore her.
Lovely song–never heard her sing that before. Glad your day was as you wished, if a little blue…
I like the idea of “acknowledging” a birthday, rather than celebrating it per se. As you know, these last few years I’ve been struggling with how to reconcile my own feelings of loss around my birthday with my family’s feelings of joy. Your day sounds like it was a nice balance.
And I’ll never say no to a piece of chocolate cake!
I’ve been downplaying my birthday for the last several years and I think my family and close friends get that about me now. Even still, I usually gently remind my husband – who likes any occasion to celebrate – that I really don’t want to celebrate.
THANK YOU for this website. As much as friends, family members and colleagues try (although often half-assed-ly) to understand the emotional issues adoptees (transracial or not) face, they simply do/can not. Blogs like yours and others are so helpful for me to accept the fact that being an adoptee is and will always be a significant aspect of my identity. So again, thanks. I also like your idea of ‘acknowledging’ birthdays. Mine is quickly approaching, and chocolate cake & nina simone on a quiet evening sounds right up my alley!!
thanks Crystal for reading and commenting. i have also found reading other adoptee and transracial adoptee blogs really helpful. they make me feel a little more ‘normal’, whatever that is… i hope you find a peaceful way to acknowledge your birthday… best, mp